LIFE - And death...

So many times over the past few weeks, I've thought to blog something, but I couldn't until I got this one out of the way. Most who read this blog will already be aware, so this is more about me just getting it out there.

My father passed away on Sunday the 31st of May after suffering from a massive stroke. I flew over to the US at short notice and he was still on life support in the ICU when I arrived. But in reality, my father was already gone. I think this single detail has made it hard to believe that he's actually died.

When my grandfather (My mum's father) passed, I was there before hand. I got to talk to him, and I was there for the few days while he slipped away. I saw it happen, so I could accept it. With Dad, as I say, since he'd had the stroke, he wasn't really there. It's not about saying goodbye. Getting to say goodbye doesn't make it easier. It's just that it wasn't Dad lying in the bed at the hospital. He was already gone. With him being the prankster that he was, I keep expecting him to walk around a corner and say "Gotcha!".

And because of this, it just doesn't feel real. And that's making it hard to accept it. Not like denial as in not able to accept it. I feel lost. Like I'm waiting. I think I'm waiting for him to call or something. But he won't be. I'm not sure where this goes...